Good bye 2017.
Thank you for making us stronger.
Thank you for giving us 10 eggs and 4 excellent embryos.
Thank you for two chances at IVF.
Thank you for gratitude, getting up, and finding ourselves again.
I hope that we have the guts to go after 2018 the way that we threw ourselves at 2017. I hope our family grows.
I hope I find the same joy and comfort in watching Mike sleep. I hope we find time for each other as the pressure to figure things out seems to speed up time. I hope we find less to argue about and more beautiful discoveries to share.
I hope IVF 3 works. I hope there will be eggs, embryos, conception, safe passage and one day a baby. A healthy safe baby. And if none of those things can happen, I hope the hormones fly out of me and leave me safe and sound. I hope I can digest healthy food easily and take pleasure in moving my body. I hope I photograph, paint, swim in the ocean, feel my heart beat and gasp for air as a wave crashes over my head. I hope I heal and get out of the house and find some safe space out in the world and not hiding in the house. I hope after some time I recoup my energy and start on some other path. I hope there’s always enough of me left to try again.