Fertility Vacation 2.0 // A Candle, a Wish or a Prayer

Good morning Santorini! Getting here was magical; a water taxi came to our boat’s dock at 3:45am and took us to the Venice airport. What a cool way to travel.

And now, we are sitting at a cafe in Santorini. It’s warm here and feels like vacation. There’s light greek music strumming in the background.

I took my first hormones today. I guess it’s really happening. I only want to drink coffee or take a nap so that I feel rested and in control.

It was an act of bravery to swallow those pills. I hope nine months from now we are holding a beautiful baby who looks like Mike Ofeldt. A baby who is so healthy and feels how much we love him or her; our carrot robot.  I hope we have twins, a boy and a girl.

I am so appreciative that we have the chance to make our dreams come true. I’m grateful that Mike is the man by my side.

It’s odd, but lately I’ve been having bouts of insecurity. It’s nothing that’s been said or done, but I had this terrible dream that Mike fell in love with one of our married friends with two daughters and they left both of us and got married. Since then, I had a couple of odd thoughts about what life would be like if he left.  

I guess I’m realizing it’s possible our dreams won’t come true. So maybe my brain is making the leap that other dreams can not come true as well, like growing old together.

I think it’s because the last few months have been hard. Not hard on us as a couple, but me as a person. I have felt a lot of anguish and like I’m constantly processing one emotion or another. I miss things being light. I miss my mind being light. I guess I miss the old me so maybe he does too. It’s taken a lot for me to get this healthy again and the reality is that our wildest dreams can come true or I’ll spend a few months digging myself out of a hole. It’s all going to happen so fast from here on out. Light a candle for us, make a wish, say a prayer.

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