Fertility Vacation 3.0 // slowing down and following Mike

My world has been colorful buildings along the river, a blank winters sky, and Mike.

After the embryo transfer everything about me slowed down.  We stayed in more, I felt sleepier. Maybe I had a cold or allergies. Maybe the hormones just knock me out. Maybe the winter finally made me slower.

The last week or so has been slower and full of naps and rain but in between there is beauty. New cities and buildings and art museums. New feels like creation to me. New is allowing me to hold space for hope while I follow Mike Ofeldt around. 

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Fertility Vacation 3.0 // reflections

Lately I’m not writing anything at all. In the mornings, I often ask myself what’s going on? How am I? I usually write until I run out of time not thoughts.  I’ve had a cold for the last week. Maybe that is why I have nothing to say. Maybe it’s because I’m constantly out shooting. Maybe it’s because I’m meditating so often.

I’ve been visualizing my future in so many different ways.  Trying out different scenarios and seeing what could be a happy Fit. I guess I want to be happy no matter what the outcome.  In 8 days I’ll take a pregnancy test. I don’t want that test to decide whether I’m happy or whether or not I’m a mom.  A part of me would like to stay in this space of not knowing for months because if I don’t know the answer can’t be no. 

I’m incredibly focused on my thoughts but have so little to say for now. 

Xoxo s