Dear 2018,

Dear 2018,

Please don’t break my heart. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve. I’m looking at you. I’m staring at you right in the face. I’m begging you not to break my heart.

We are going to try iVF again.  Is three times the charm?  I guess we are about to find out.  I want to know, will our hearts be broken again?

Some questions aren’t necessary.

Will it be worth it?  

Is it worth having our hearts broken?  

Yes, it’s always a resounding yes.  

Of course it is.

Because what if . . .

What if  . . .

We have a little babe come safely into this world?  What if we are those people wearing matching pajamas by the Christmas tree.  What if we get to call our parents and say the baby is coming . . . The baby is here . . .  It’s a boy or it’s a girl . . .

Every year I wish for the same sort of things. To hold Mike’s hand as we walk around new cities and small towns taking photographs, finding the best cappuccino, exploring museums and the outdoors, listening to music and having good times with our loved ones.  It’s always the most important aspect of my life to celebrate our lives together - to be grateful for what we have.

But lately I’m not myself. Lately, I’m so focused on the baby we don’t have instead of all the blessings we do have. It’s such a painful way to live.

Maybe there will never be another Ofelt, but 2018 will get us one step closer to knowing - yes or no. I hope I find myself again at the other side of this journey. My greatest hope is that there are three of us, but if everything fails I hope there is at least two of us.  Not the scared reaching version of myself I’ve become, but the vibrant grateful person I used to be.

So 2018, let me be her again. Let me find myself. Let me be grateful, kind, and healthy. Let me rally the strength, hope and beauty in this world. It’s such a worthwhile cause. It’s our most beautiful life.  Let me lift myself up. Let me be the Suzanne that began this journey.

xoxo

Change me Universe into one who is willing to receive all the right help, knowing each person, animal, thing is a form of you.  Let me feel deserving of Divine assistance in every way.  Open me to receive.  -Tosha Silva

 

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4 Things // Pride & More

Photographing : Friday was a 25 person wedding on a 90 ft yacht. It was amazing to float around the bay and be part of an amazing party. I was treated like one of the guests and the couple had the best sense of humor! The always amazing Annette Gomez did the florals. - Mike

More photographing : On Saturday I shot an event that had over 2,500 people. Very mixed cultures with a live band and crazy dance party. What a night! - Mike

Talking to: Gaidin Nordic Warrior the last week. This little guy has been so chatty. I've been waiting for so long to hear what he thinks and all of a sudden he is sharing a little more. It turns out he wants to go to the park or go swimming. These have been his most common thoughts. I'm in Aunt heaven.

Dreaming of: Alexandra and Geoff's beautiful wedding at the Grand Del Mar. I just love Alexandra and her whole family. We met at a gala at SDMA and she also modeled for me for Exquisite Weddings a couple of years ago. It's all going to be a dream. 

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4 Things // The Arts & Artists

Dreaming of: I'm dreaming of going to NYC. I'm not sure if I'll have time to swing it this summer, but the artist Mark Ryden designed the set and costumes of the new ballet, "Whip Cream", and I would so love to see it in person. Fingers crossed! - Suzanne

Seeing: Last night I listened to Sebastio Salgado lecture at MOPA. I've been a long time fan of his work and it was so fun to get to hear him speak about his work and travels across the globe. - Suzanne

Birthdays: All week I worked on trying to change Suzanne's birthday from Friday to Saturday and then changing the location of the party without her knowing. I now respect anyone who can pull off surprises like that (I sure can't!). Our friend Alynn helped me so much. - Mike

Watching: The Old Man and the Old Moon at the Old Globe was an amazing story about the cycle of life and how decisions we make mold the past the future. It was done in a really playful and vintage way with shadow puppets, folk music and some really cool old school theater acting. - Mike

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4 Things // Dancing Lights

Hi friends =)

I just arrived in Berlin after a few days in magical Iceland. WOW airlines offers free stopovers - check it out!

Exploring :Game of Thrones Tour by Grayline Iceland was so witty. It was exciting to see the actual locations from the show and hear some fun back stories. 

Dreaming of : Being right here. right now. I'll be in Berlin for a few days then head to Prague. My dreams are to stay present and be where I am. 

Meditating : With the Headspace App. I tried for the first time in public at Roamers Cafe in Berlin. I meditated on the creative spark - it felt wicked and fun for some reason. I had my eyes closed and a smile on my face sitting outside waiting for my table and it felt like I had a secret. Sparks flew in my journal, maybe there's something to this after all. 

Watching : The Northern Lights danced for Vanessa and I in Iceland. It was a dream come true. 

xoxo

Suzanne

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4 Things // San Miguel De Allende

Photographing : Daily photo walks around the artist city of San Miguel. Every night we went to sleep happy and a little exhausted. 

Dreaming of : This week we are throwing a super fun party with our pals at Archive. I'm excited to hang out with our friends and live it up at Luce Loft.

Learning : Mike and I took an encuastic painting class in San Miguel. What a treat. I loved the movement of the wax. This is a method we will explore. 

Loving : Canada. These murals were such an achievement. I could have stayed for hours checking every nook for a new surprise. This place is full of wonder and beauty. It was so easy to respond creatively. Guadalajara is cool and creative and I'm intrigued to spend some more time here. 

xoxo

Suzanne

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4 Things : Ohh Mexico

Photographing : Mike and I captured Jessica and Adrian's wedding at his family's ranch home in Mexico. We photographed Jessica's sister's wedding a few years ago and it was so fun to be among friends. 

Listening to : The podcast, History of Photography. It's so fun to listen in on lectures.

Sightseeing : Around the town center of Tlaquepaque. There have been so many festivals this week; we hit the jackpot. I loved their ceramic museum. 

Dreaming of : Hawaii in a couple weeks with my cousin Amber. I will take a weeks break to celebrate the ending of a wonderful wedding season.

xoxo

Suzanne and the Wanderers

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4 things : the wonder of it all

This week definitely felt like 20 things.  So many new and exciting beautiful projects are on the horizon.  But I'm most grateful for my nephews first trip to the waterslides.  My mom and I took him to the wave pool and he smiled non stop for over an hour.  I was a little worried about his cheek muscles, maybe I should have been worried about a sunburn because I also gave him his first.  ouch.  If he could talk, I'm pretty sure he's say it was worth it. 

Also this is Jenna's first week of maternity leave.  It's a wonder if I will survive without her.  

Photographing : Julie and Kurt's wine country wedding weekend in Los Olivios Thanks for the epic weekend friends!

a family shoot Mike and Rehana and baby Z.  I photographed M and R's wedding so many years ago and love following them on facebook and was so happy to find out they were in town and that I could meet their new love.  ps Mike has a new show coming up at the La Jolla Playhouse called Tiger Style - he wrote it.  

an early morning Engagement session in the cactus garden with Jenni and Matt.  I'm excited for their upcoming wedding in a couple of weeks at Estancia.

Hosting: Epic party with Cynthia and Aly at the Gold Leaf Project.  Aly and I were having coffee and decided we should collaborate and do something that would be incredibly fun and just went from there.  Who doesn't love a party with amazing cocktails, tacos, and smokebombs.

Watching  Mike and I decompressed with these two beauties this weekend.  Pure pleasure.  Netflix : Tallulla  and Finding Vivian Maier

Old Globe Sense and Sensibility The musical  Sadly not my favorite production from the Old Globe.  Honestly we love nearly everything they do.  Something about Sense and Sensibility as a musical just didn't ring true. 

Still Dreaming of : so many little steps toward our living room remodel.  Eek I wish I could click my heels.  Voila. 

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Creativity Tell All : Samantha Saad

We have loved working with Samantha Saad, event manager at Destination Concepts, over the years and are so happy to share some unique sound bites about her career journey in the event coordination world. 

How do you continually stay inspired and creative?

This is a really fun question because from the outside, our industry is so 'fun' and 'easy'. In theory, my job enables me to be constantly creative. While in some respects it is, my creativity typically happens outside of the work flow. I love learning new skills. My friends are gold and I find myself staying motivated by learning through them. Everyone has different strengths and I not only thrive off the relationships built, but also the creative outlets they can teach me. I'm lately finding the passion to explore photography as my main hobby. Food, nature, and people, the three things I love (besides wine), also inspire me. 

Is there anything special or unique about your morning routine?

Does hitting the alarm until you're late count? If so, then that. :) 

If someone wanted to break into your industry, what advice would you give them?

Find your inner patience and empathy, they will be your best friends. Even the most well thought-out plans will have changes at the 20th hour. It's not about the best plans, it's about the best reactions to change. 

Did you always know this career path was ‘the one’?

Actually, yes. I started modeling in high school and hated it, so when I got the opportunity to work behind the scenes, I fell in love. I have always felt so grateful for "getting it" early on, but you'll never know until you take advantage of the opportunities presented. 

What season inspires you most?

Spring. Always. The energy is contagious and it's amazing to see how people react to spring. Also, spring has the best color palette and the first part of the year, you're generally able to play with color. 

Do you have any funny short stories or embarrassing moments from when you first got started?

I feel like that requires a separate interview! But really, there are so many. And I love that. It's important to understand that perfection does not exist, and failure isn't always something to condemn. My favorite events have always had embarrassing moments, but instead of shaming them, I celebrate learning from my faux pas.

What is the best advice you have been given?

What's the best way to eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I cannot tell you how often I say this to myself. You always have to start somewhere. 

What is your dream project?

Traveling the world connecting people to one another via events and productive programming. 

If there was a song that played every time you worked on your craft, what would it be?

90's hip hop is my favorite station for setup, but specific song would be "Record Year" by Eric church. It's so good and proves that when things get you down, you're still able to fly. 

Is there anything in particular you are obsessed with these days?

I love connecting people. It's heartbreaking because the biggest thing people want is to feel connected. I hope we don't lose that ability to interact. Most people are kind and genuinely good souls. It's disappointing to watch the media sensationalize the negative ones. 

What would you do if you had $40,900 for a vacation?

I would book a one-way ticket to Greece with my boyfriend and continue to travel outside of the country and around the world until I'm completely out of money. 

Hugs,

Suzanne, Mike and the Wanderers

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