“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” — Lao Tzu
It's complicated but our lives are still beautiful. IVF didn't turn out the way we dreamed. We are not pregnant. In some ways it's as simple as that. I don't want a big story about it. We tried. It just didn't work. Our hearts didn't change. We still want to be parents. Mike and I have had weeks together in Europe trying to will this dream into existence. We had a week with Jake Washington at home waiting while every pregnancy test was negative.
We have each other to keep each other's hearts. We have Jake to shower in love. We have one embryo and dream of a surrogate. We have plenty of dreams for our life and I believe that they are trying to come true. I'm still a little bit quiet. I know I'm not communicating the way I usually do. It is because I'm repositioning myself. I'm looking for who I might become. I'm asking myself how can I move forward from a place of hope? Since I already believe this is going to work out for us, how do I reconcile the failed attempts with what I believe will eventually be a positive outcome. My only answer so far is to be a little bit quiet. look inside, and pay attention to who I am becoming.
Mike and I are wildly grateful for all of your love and support. We couldn’t have done it without you. It feels so good to know that we are trying to make our dreams of adding to our family come true and that we have the love and support of all of you. Thank you.